I am working on letting go of old clothes - the ones that no longer fit or I no longer wear.
I have always found it hard to let go of these clothes and a plethora of excuses to keep them. "I will have less options for what to wear." "I have always loved that cardigan." "Look how cute those jeans are."
I have been starting to think a little differently lately. "I used to love this cardigan, but since it is now too small I feel worse about myself when I wear it." "I used to love those jeans, but they don't fit who I am, my age, or the style I now wear."
So I let them go. I will get new clothes that better fit who I am now. I will feel equipped for my daily life and job, and feel good about my body. As my fashion sense changes, so can my clothes. I start to think maybe my closet will even accommodate a roommate some day.
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Tonight as I was reading, this passage hit me.
"Why them? Why not me?
Then the seemingly unjust silence from God ushers us from a disturbed heart to weeping with bitterness of soul. And we start to feel something deep inside that comes in conflict with everything we hold true. . . . It's because I know He exists and I know He loves me that things get so confusing and complicated.
. . .
What if this opportunity wasn't really taken away from me? What if I was actually spared of this gift, because for me it was really a burden in disguise? . . . if I choose to trust that this is God's protection for me and God's provision for her, it all lands in the good category.
In that, I can be all for giving this opportunity to her. . . . This assignment wasn't meant for me. When I am for giving, I set us both up for winning.
She gets the assignment she was made to carry. I'm freed up for the other better-suited assignments tailor-made for me." (pp. 114-116)
Now all of a sudden I am not only free to let go of opportunities I'm "missing," but also ones I am "losing." God has finished using those opportunities in my life. As I let go of tasks at work or ways I have previously loved my friends, it is because I no longer need them. God is handing these opportunities to someone who they will fit better.
When I got rid of that one cardigan, I gave it to a friend who would love it as well as I had. She will wear it and I no longer would. She will get pleasure out of a cardigan that now only made me judge myself in the mirror and regret what used to be. And she will look great in it.
Don't get me wrong. My pride is far from eager to let those things go - or the recognition and ability I had. Father, please comfort my humbled heart. It hurts from letting go of recognition. Replace my pride with reveling in Your glory.
I will be happy to hand off the ways I used to love that one friend or the tasks that will be re-allocated at work, because I am excited to see someone new rock those roles, as I no longer can. I hope whoever is next finds as much joy in wearing them as I have.
And I can't wait to find roles that better fit who I have become.